Somebody With Skin

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To help our four-year-old daughter overcome her fear of the dark, her father and I always reassured her at bedtime that God is always watching over her. One night after I had gone to bed, I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. “Mommy,” a familiar voice spoke up, “I know God’s in there with me, but I need somebody with skin.”

    -Contributed by Ann Gilbert

“Keynote Speaker”

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As the keynote speaker at an Olympic fund-raiser, a politician told his speechwriter to prepare something upbeat and motivational. Glancing quickly at the text the morning of the address, the politician bellowed, “What kind of nonsense is this? You want me to open my remarks with ‘Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh’?”

“Sir,” replied the aide, “I think you’re reading the Olympic symbol.”

-The Jokesmith

The Doctor and The Nun

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The doctor’s receptionist was startled when a nun stormed out of the examining room and left without paying. When the doctor appeared, she asked what had happened.

“Well,” said the doctor, “I examined her and told her she was pregnant.”

“Doctor!” exclaimed the receptionist. “That can’t be!”

“Of course not,” he replied. “But it sure cured her hiccups.”

-Contributed by James Cheng

Anything to Offer The Court

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Judge to defendant: “Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed on you?”

Defendant: “No, Your Honor. My lawyer took my last dollar.”

-Joey Adams

Baseball Challenge

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The Devil challenged St. Peter to a baseball game. “How can you win?” St. Peter asked. “All the famous ballplayers are up here.”
“How can I lose?” retorted Satan. “All the umpires are down here.”

Bob Phillips, The Best of the Good Clean Jokes (Harvest House)

Another 50 Years

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“Do you think I’ll live another 50 years, Doc?” asked a patient.

“How old are you now?”


“Do you drink, gamble or chase women?”

“No,” the man answered. “I don’t drink, I never gamble, and I detest women. In fact, I don’t have any vices at all.”

“Why then,” the doctor retorted, “do you want to live another 50 years?”

-Contributed by H. B. McClung

Dating The Wrong Guy

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You know you’re dating the wrong guy when your friend steals your boyfriend and all you can think is, “What does she see in him?”

Comic Sarah Blodgett

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